Friday, June 30, 2006
blog revamped. today was zonals. in a word, screwy. so were the other parts of the day. today i dont like safra.
zhang said "ni she de hen hao ah!" ... no i didn't. 188. most of the 10s were quite nice. but i shot a 6. a six. S-I-X, six. get it? i screwed up one shot and i screwed up myself.
bdiv south zone champs as usual. but we barely made it to finals. cdiv didnt make it.. probably for the first time in a long history..
i think we screwed up big time? i really sucked. 6.
...
i wanted to wait for someone. but there was someone else there who was probably waiting too. someone else who he'd probably rather have be waiting. someone who needed it. deserves it. i said bye about4 or 5 times. she turned to me then turned away, nothing said. so i left. trudged, with each step my knees about to buckle. do i have friends? or am i just a loser? loner?
he told me to be strong. today i felt like crying. i didnt really cry. i tried to be strong. i will be strong.. i'll remember those words. be strong, girl. i'll remember. in some ways he's quite like me. i guess that's why i bother to listen. i guess that's why... sigh. i like listening to him. maybe it's cos he's older, maybe it's cos he's smart and i really look up to him. but listening to him makes me feel like i'm a good girl. even if i'm not. and it makes me happy. i think God put him there to teach me in a way i understand.
...
when my dad came home, no encouraging words. he said "see la, go and screw up with a six". wow. thanks dad. as if i didn't know that already. i went upstairs, i wanted to cry. "be strong, girl". i will.
i think i'm a jinx.
...
the blue inside of me
i ring my life's ressurection
i never seem to be
what you have in projection
somewhere, i return to
breathless air, i don't want to
give me in, so
crashing sin, slow
am i just here to not belong
am i here to knock my head on the wall
if i could know what makes me wrong
i would be blown away by the wind that makes me fall
stepping on your garbage