maybe it wasn't meant to be after all.
i'm caught in a spot i don't know what to believe i don't know what to do. i told you to come home but you wouldn't listen to me you wouldn't let me be. i tried to give you so much more but now i'm caught and i don't know what to say cos i can't tell you i didn't know it would be this way. i didn't know we would end up like this. i couldn't see what was in front of me. i never wanted to know this feeling. but i miss you so stop showing your fist. i couldn't be what you wanted from me. i couldn't fight it. and i don't see it now.
i know i should shut up and back off. but that's not possible because i can't bring myself to. you could go away. but that's not possible because you won't and i wouldn't know how to face it. i only imagine you. there. and me. wherever you are.
and regarding the other topic mentioned in that emo paragraph/lyrics. why is this happening? i don't really understand. i'm really stuck i don't know what i'm supposed to do. i tried to tell you it was wrong but i couldn't convince you. and i wouldn't be afraid to say that you really screwed it up that's what i feel.
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and then the exams are coming. i'm super dead there's so much to do. i need some help. no not some. a lot of help. i got a feeling i can't pass chinese. if i don't, i probably have to get 4.0 for everything else just to get that 3.6 my dad wants. gah. i'm trying harder than i've ever tried. but i just can't do it. what will happen, i really don't know. i don't want to know. i can't wait for the EOYs to be over, yet i want them to last forever so i won't have to get back results. i'm glad monday's a holiday i have some time to think and catch up on the work i never intended to do. sigh. i'm a big screw up.
stepping on your garbage
5:22 PM
i haven't updated in so long. mm life's been okay. today was a slack day in school thank goodness for that cos we were all half dead from sleeping late/not sleeping last night in order to chiong PTs.
mm my blog is a damn free gift. i should stop posting all my rubbish rants but then the purpose of having a blog would be defeated. i should post in ANALOGIES! i'm lousy at making analogies, but no harm trying!! =D
mm yes here goes. i saw a little spring, a spring of compassion, it burst into flames - there was an oil leak - i saw those huge puddles of oil. it was painful, that sight. it was as if that spring had turned to charcoal, ash blown by the wind. so quickly it happened - just one glance. the spring was squeezed dry; ended up in broken pieces over the floor. dehydrated, lacking..
i can't say more but Most importantly. something's wrong?
stepping on your garbage
11:13 PM
I WANT THAT LITTLE RED MAN TO TURN GREEN.
!so he'll flash. LOL no.!
but then i wont use the opportunity to cross the road. i just wont i dont know why. i feel damn stupid? but then i wait for the green man to turn red again then i think about why i didn't cross the road? gahhhh.
analogies are stupid. but they work fine. sigh.
stepping on your garbage
7:46 PM
i'm feeling pretty confused. i feel really happy and all that? but i feel self depreciative.
i want to embrace the passing moments but not what i conjure in my depths; i love every second of this time but i feel ethereality
i DONT KNOW. I FEEL LIKE SCREWED UP SHIT.
like i love everything around me but i hate what's in the center of it.
like i'm happy with things but not with myself.
like i'm a stupid piece of blubber waiting to be thrown away by a picky teenage schoolgirl. crap.
stepping on your garbage
8:56 PM
i just saw that stupid thing gah i'm not happy anymore i hate you go away dont ever talk to me
(i really want you to, it's just the pride).
you don't want to talk to me, do you? then dont.
(just pull a veil over my eyes so i can't see that?)shut up.
stepping on your garbage
10:21 PM
I HAVENT BLOGGED IN SO LONG.
recently i've been pretty alright. happy? not too sure, but probably. =D
happier, that's for sure. although i have PT deadlines coming up REALLY soon, i feel less frustrated! (Y)
yes very good. yay.
no one reads my blog no more lol *shrugs* not interesting i suppose boring person i am lalalala. i should write more of my emo poetry xD
RS! HAHAA. last thursday! nat and i saw jay lim! karaokeing in lws school! hahaha. super funny. he's gonna be our instructor in about 3 weeks' time i think! (Y) YAY. exciting. imagine a horde of RG girls running after jj to the music room. xD
haha so funny. anyways! i've pretty much finished my physics PT. got one page of the pamphlet which is completely random but ahwell it's funny. =P i'm almost done with chem!!! =D SO HAPPY. left SS which is, really, the killer.
but anyway!!! =D i shall go finish up my chem then i'll feel even more happy! yay.
stepping on your garbage
9:17 PM
i'm getting distracted. by things on this stupid computer. i do anything but work. i play MINESWEEPER. i play ICY TOWER. i go on msn. i blog hop. i look at pictures. i delete stuff that are taking too much space in the com. i BLOG. and those two documents on my taskbar only get touched when my mum comes in. gahh. i'm so irritating. i need to learn how to focus. stuff keeps going through my brainless head. i keep thinking of things. sad things, happy things. happy things are run over by the sad things? and i can't help it. a happy thing links to other things which always eventually leads to a sad thing. and ARGH. i can't stand it much. it's really GAH-ing me. happy things like WOW i got to the 3rd stage in icy tower finally, i got 100 combo, i got my high score 11000 something. but then sad things come along and i'm reminded i have lots of work to do? happy things are often stupid you realise. but stupid things make us happy many times. stupid lame jokes make us laugh. games are in a way, stupid, and they help us have fun. water, is pretty stupid, but it keeps us from falling sick and people are mostly happier when they're not sick? even stupid things like talking about how stupid things make people happy makes people happy cos it's kind of a way to vent stuff. like now. gah i have to do the physics PT by tonight. or i will seriously kill myself. the thing is the instructions are so vague. explain what a sonogram is and how the image is produced by applying understanding of waves. i can do that in what, one paragraph? sound waves come from the transducer of the ultrasound machine, and reflect off different surfaces with different intensities, and by the amount that reflects off and the time taken for the waves to be reflected, they ultrasound machine's CPU can calculate the nature of the medium the waves are passing through. points are "plotted" on a graph as to where the waves are reflected, and subsequently an image is produced and shown on the ultrasound machine's display monitor. THAT'S ALL. what else is there to say? gah. i'm pretty frustrated. more with myself than anything else. you know i used to think i was a smart girl. maybe i am, but it's not showing. smartness doesn't help much, it's true, that hardwork, perserverance and initiative are the only things that count. i can see it so extremely clearly for myself, and i still don't do anything about it. there's the lack of initiative. then when i do get on to something, i do it mindlessly for a bit. there's the lack of hardwork. then when i really do try hard, i don't try long enough. there's the lack of perserverance. thus i will not succeed in life. my whole life, everything's been prepared for me. people tell me, i do. if there wasn't anyone around right now, i would really be just a floppy lifeless puppet, no backbone, no muscles, nothing. i need a backbone, seriously. i have no self control, no discipline, no responsibility, no sense of time and urgency, no willpower, no confidence. gahh.
stepping on your garbage
10:45 PM
i keep thinking about you, you moron.
worse still, i bet i haven't even annoyed you in your head.
can you just stop popping up in mine?
you're so IRRITATING.
stepping on your garbage
10:58 PM
i know you don't give a damn? but i don't give a damn about your not giving a damn.
i'll just wait here till you start bothering.
i'll wait and i'll wait and i'll wait and i get really lonely but i'll still wait.
hopefully.
you're just amazing to me.
stepping on your garbage
6:55 PM
we had a story.
i'm sorry.
stepping on your garbage
8:01 PM
HELLO EVERYBODY I'M OKAY!
=(
everyone's gone away! everyone's going away!!!!!
cries.
even my dad and my bro are going off to manila for mmr on tuesday.
my kor is in hk!
my buggee is in vietnam!
dies dies dies. i'm gonna be so bored with no one to bug and whatnot. and spam.
*looks at naomi*
*turns around and looks at. erm. xuan lang?*
*turns again and looks at daniel*
*turns head up and looks at wee hsuan*
*shakes head*
NO ONE COMPARES TO MY KOR AND MY BUGGEE.
cries.
stepping on your garbage
11:21 PM
i don't really understand you. though i really want to. i wish i could really be there for you. i don't care if it's unfair to me or not. you always seem so.. confused. the confusion feels familiar to me. i think i've felt it before but i'm not sure how i delt with it? i want to help you but i don't know if i can. in many ways we're similar but in that one particular
key factor, we're worlds apart.
*shrug* i don't really know what to do.
!!!! i'm like that but actually mostly i'm ...... and i'm not. .... but you're like that. and i can't make you (!!!)
i'm incoherent and all but you understand me. I REALLY WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU TOO.
but you're so hard to understand cos you're all that.
i know i'm weird. so are you. and are you... back?
are you... there?
are you.. you?
stepping on your garbage
12:14 AM
