.____________________

so the world has been good to me. hey dude, THANKS. =)

yesterday class sleepover. mahjong! haha played that the whole day/night. i'm so tired now, i don't even know if i'm awake or if this is a dream of some sorts. dazed. hhaha..

exams are over, and i'm glad. but after exams come a bunch of things. a BIG bunch of things. i have lots of training to catch up with. but i don't have the spirit, the motivation, the energy, to do just that - train.

no i'm not old. i'm still young and alive and kicking. but sometimes i feel drained. like what's the point in my doing all this? i don't know. there's a lot of stuff out there for me to learn, to find out, but right now i feel like just stopping here and resting. just this once this time. but if i rest, i would never have a chance to catch up again. the world keeps spinning no matter how much i want it to stop and wait for me.

selfish aint it.

right at this moment, i'm tired. physically. very tired. i could just close my eyes and WHAM on the keyboard i'll go. OFF into dreamland. wahaha. but i choose to do this. and the stupid lead camp packing list isnt attached though the thing says it is. -_- tell me if i looked in the wrong place. i can't even walk right, i realised. my grandma just called me and i walked into the wall.

back to the point, right at this moment, i don't feel like doing anything but sleeping. but i have a BIG BUNCH of other things to do. like finish up this stupid blogpost, bathe, a lot of things really. i can't remember. i wish i brought my notebook around with me today.

firstly, there's that whole shit load of stuff about the lead camp. i gotta go back on friday for the stupid belaying refresher course because i couldnt go today because i had to go for farewell assembly rehearsal. stupidity. friday. i wonder that time. gahh. i forgot.

that's the only thing on my mind now though i know i was thinking of a lot more stuff i had to check up on when i came on the com. strange. ><

crap i'm screwed i'm so damn bloody tired i hope when i wake up tomorrow i'll remember everything.

OMG I REMEMBER. yahoo groups. gmail.

oh crap and school training starts on the 30th, time for me to do NOTHING there again. why do we have school training anyway. why do i bother going - i can't remember. i bet i used to know. i bet i used to know a lot of things but recently my head's in a complete mess i don't know what's going on. it's like the mahjong game yesterday. i just kept thinking the game was.. clockwise. anticlockwise? clockwise? shrugs no diff.

wah life sucks when you sleep at 10pm and still not have enough sleep. life sucks when you sleep at 3am and still not have enough sleep. life sucks when you don't know what you're thinking.

life sucks when you have a senile grandma who's lying like sh!t about what the doctor is saying, while going to a bunch of different doctors to extort medicine out of them, almost everyday. life sucks when that senile grandma isn't saved and is showing signs of her end times. life sucks when you cant do anything about the STUPID situation. life sucks when that makes you all muddled up and exhausted. life sucks when in the middle of all this shit, you still try to make some sense and try to save some lives, some souls. life sucks when suspicion fills the air and so do excuses. life sucks. life really sucks. but somehow, someplace, somewhere, i manage to have a hope that life totally OWNS. that life rocks. that. i don't know, that i could do all those wonders i want to.

i wonder what will happen on that day. i really wonder.

stepping on your garbage 8:17 PM

if you're reading this SOMEWHERE OUTTHERE.

you frustrate me really bad. i don't know what's wrong.

can you give me a reason? i hate to keep guessing and i can't even guess. i can't find a reason for this. and i really miss you. i hate it that our friendship came to this. WHAT HAPPENED. i really don't know at all. the time you have for me just.. diminishes. i'm saddened by that and i really want to be your friend again. but you have no time for me and you leave me hoping that one day you might have time for me again. i have been crying before i sleep, tearing when i think about it. i can't sleep well. i simply don't understand. i don't know what i did wrong. perhaps you find more solace in those your age. perhaps i'm annoying and bitchy. but am i? you always said i wasn't annoying. and no one's said i was bitchy since this year. what's wrong? have you know that without you i feel hopeless. useless maybe. you gave me a hope. big bright shining hope. what no one else could have given me. you told me to be strong and without your friendship i feel weak. you seem so far away now. so distant. and i hate it i don't know why. at least tell me why.. maybe then i could understand. your being there for me meant a lot to me, if you didn't know. your presence was a comfort, a source of strength. i wanted to be like you. i thought i could, if i tried really really really hard. you're a friend, a role model, a teacher, a mentor. and i really wanted to be like you. where have you gone? i've gone from being ignorant, to puzzled, to frustrated, to sad, to frustrated again and sad. puzzling about this. i want to tell you something. i'll be there for you when the rain starts to pour. i'll be there for you like i've been there before. i'll be there for you cos you're there for me too. but maybe you don't want me to be here? shrugs. tell me. i'll scram. i know i'm sticky, but i really need my friends. sorry if i caused you any trouble.. and to a small extent i hope you don't read this. but i hope you read this.

it was supposed to go on till you're 80.

stepping on your garbage 3:46 PM

HAHA i saw this on too many friends' blogs. AMUSING it is. I SHALL DO IT TOO.

01) Single, taken or crushing?
SINGLENESS (Y)
02) Are you happy with your life now?
NO! exams hello? maybe after that.
03) When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
am i supposed to know that?
04) Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes. pretty much. kinda. not really. do you count that?
05) Do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
nopeNOPEnopeeess.
06) Would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
if i say cheating is unacceptable? hmm. maybe if he repents. we should all be forgiven you know.
07) Have you talked about marriage with another before?
YES HAHA IT'S FUN.
08) Do you want children?
YES!!!! <3 kids.
09) How many?
shrugs. two? three? four? five max.
10) Would you consider adoption?
yupyup. if i cant have my own i.e. not married slash those other things.
11) If someone likes you right now,what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?
err i doubt it. pass.
12) Do you enjoy getting into relationship?
shrugs. never did.
13) Be honest,what is the furthest you and your ex did?
...
14) Do you believe in love at first sight?
nope. love is developed!!!! ><
15) Are you romantic?
my form/english/cle teacher says i am A romantic. lol.
16) Do you believe you can change someone?
YES I DO! but i dont think i ever managed it before/will manage it.
17) If you could get married somewhere, where would it be?
in church? hmm.
18) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
heh. not really. xD
19) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
yea. i feel for the people reading my blog. XP
20) Have you ever broken a heart?
maybe. perhaps. i wouldnt know how would i know shizz.
21) If one day your best friend falls in love with the guy you deeply in love with, what would you do?
interesting sexuality. my best friends are usually guys?
22) Are you missing someone now?
yea. i miss my pri school friends. the second primary school. i was too GONG from p1 to p3 xD

WHEE THAT WAS FUN. but i couldnt be that honest although some of the answers should be quite obvious in this STUPID blog. lol i have ants crawling all over me I DONT KNOW WHY this stupid place is infested. xD

byebye i go sleep.

stepping on your garbage 1:33 AM

Note to the puppeteer:

I say you should hear the names that the voices in my head are calling you.

They call you a slave driver, they call you a murderer.

They call you a lover, saviour.

Love,
Me.

P.S.It makes sense to me.

stepping on your garbage 1:24 AM