Friday, October 13, 2006
if you're reading this SOMEWHERE OUTTHERE.
you frustrate me really bad. i don't know what's wrong.
can you give me a reason? i hate to keep guessing and i can't even guess. i can't find a reason for this. and i really miss you. i hate it that our friendship came to this. WHAT HAPPENED. i really don't know at all. the time you have for me just.. diminishes. i'm saddened by that and i really want to be your friend again. but you have no time for me and you leave me hoping that one day you might have time for me again. i have been crying before i sleep, tearing when i think about it. i can't sleep well. i simply don't understand. i don't know what i did wrong. perhaps you find more solace in those your age. perhaps i'm annoying and bitchy. but am i? you always said i wasn't annoying. and no one's said i was bitchy since this year. what's wrong? have you know that without you i feel hopeless. useless maybe. you gave me a hope. big bright shining hope. what no one else could have given me. you told me to be strong and without your friendship i feel weak. you seem so far away now. so distant. and i hate it i don't know why. at least tell me why.. maybe then i could understand. your being there for me meant a lot to me, if you didn't know. your presence was a comfort, a source of strength. i wanted to be like you. i thought i could, if i tried really really really hard. you're a friend, a role model, a teacher, a mentor. and i really wanted to be like you. where have you gone? i've gone from being ignorant, to puzzled, to frustrated, to sad, to frustrated again and sad. puzzling about this. i want to tell you something. i'll be there for you when the rain starts to pour. i'll be there for you like i've been there before. i'll be there for you cos you're there for me too. but maybe you don't want me to be here? shrugs. tell me. i'll scram. i know i'm sticky, but i really need my friends. sorry if i caused you any trouble.. and to a small extent i hope you don't read this. but i hope you read this.
it was supposed to go on till you're 80.
stepping on your garbage