.____________________

i'm emoing.

sigh DON'T ask me why. don't tell me don't emo. i feel empty. i feel stupid and empty and even though i have friends around me who care.

there just isn't someone who cares enough it feels like that. i have God, i have friends, i have the internet. but i don't know i just.. i want to cry to someone.. i want to cry on someone's shoulder. that someone... is so far away.

i wonder if you know what i.. mean. i wonder if you care. i wish i could have you but i can't. that's what i think and that's what i think you think. but i feel so lonely without you. i feel so.. silent.

i tried to focus on rationality but it didn't work out. nothing came out of anything. i don't have the courage to face you. the music in my ears block out the world around me. the screen i'm facing shields my eyes. i don't want to see the reality before me. but i feel nothing when you're not here with me. there's an emptiness in me, imprisoned by the power of what i never had. i want you to tell me what you're going through. but i know the only dream that matters wont come true. i needed to not have seen you that day. now i feel so alone i can't forget that feeling i felt when i saw your face through the heads of the crowds. sometimes i wish i never met you just so i wouldn't feel this way. but when i saw you for the first time you struck an impression no one else ever did before. it's not like you were gorgeous or anything like that but i didn't know. i never knew. but i cant help thinking. how much i wish you were here. how much i wish you could be here. how much i wish you'd be here forever.

shut up sandra go away put up that mask and enter the masquerade world. put up that wall and penetrate the fantastical facade.

what else is there to do?

stepping on your garbage 8:06 PM