SHANGHAI!
got back this morning.
wasn't particularly memorable, i'd say.
perhaps the most enjoyable part was freezing on the roof of the boat we took on the river cruise.
perhaps the second best was the camwhoring and "boyband" shoots.
and then the cd shop where cds sold for under 10 bucks. albums. brand new, original. amazing. i only bought one, and i should have bought more. screw.
what else was there? i can't remember.
i'm glad to be home, surprisingly. so unlike taiwan. so.. forgettable.
on the other hand, i don't want to be home now. reality never meant much to me, my real life is in a dream.
damnit the stupid recording i did today at tammy's parents' music school can't play right on my com. the sounds are wobbly. like someone was playing with the pitch moderator thing. that thing you push up and down at the side of the lousy old keyboards in school.
bleh. ohwell. i hope it plays okay at lws. and then i realised the entire song has no dynamics either cos i turned off the touch sensitivity. i hope it's okay. sigh. it was the best one i've done though, and i hope i dont have to scrap it again sigh..
i feel quite empty. i can't chase my dreams because of expectations. i can't do what i wish i could. and i know i most probably can't go far the way i am now. maybe i'm still too immature to see everything in the right light. i have no drive for the academic world. i don't know what i can do with myself in this area, and i'm scared of facing a future i'm unsure of. the more i know about what i originally intended to do, the more i doubt my ability to do it. medicine? how likely is it that i'll be able to get in? i wish i could do things with my other "talents" if you could even call them that. just.. things i like to do. i don't know if dad will allow me to go for it, what i want.
whatever. when choices are hard to make i tend to run away. and off i go now.
i gotta get on with the rest of the night. i have nothing more to say. bye.
stepping on your garbage
9:55 PM
